i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
