I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
