After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Randomize
