there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
