Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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