I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
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Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
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Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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