Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
