Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
