gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
