i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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