woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
