shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
