i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
