Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
