I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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