Ambien. No doubt about it.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
