ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
