I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
