:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
