i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I touched a dick in church today
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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