im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
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I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
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I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
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