Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
