Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
