I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
