I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
