Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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