I smell stomach acid.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
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Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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