i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
