Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I am one with the molecules
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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