with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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