Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
