You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
