i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
