The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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