You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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