I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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