dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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