Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
