im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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