Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
