instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
