I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
