So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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