Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
