dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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