I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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