If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
