I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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