Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
