Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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