I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
You can't special order awesome
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
