happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
