Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
