Jerry, you need to find god
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
