I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Randomize
