So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
