I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
