dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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