Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
