evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
