I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
