i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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