She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Randomize
