I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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