so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
