Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
