38 yer olds are good kisserssss
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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