We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Tell her she can't have a vagina
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
