Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
