I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
