so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Farmville is her only friend.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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