i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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