If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
