I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
