There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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